When Did You Stop Trusting Your Own Decisions?

You have a decision to make.

Before you've even fully thought through what you think, you've texted someone.

“What would you do?”

Then maybe you ask someone else.

And someone else.

You Google it. Read the reviews. Search Reddit. Find a podcast. Ask ChatGPT.

Ahem.

Eventually you have seven opinions, fourteen tabs open and absolutely no idea what you think anymore.

I've done this more times than I care to admit.

And asking for advice isn't the problem. I value the people in my life who will tell me the truth, especially when I'm too close to something to see it clearly.

But there have been times when I wasn't really asking for perspective.

I was asking someone else to make me feel certain.

That's different.

Because if someone I trust tells me what to do, I get relief.

Okay. Great.

Decision made.

Except then someone else says something different.

Well, crap.

Now what?

That's when I started noticing how easily seeking wisdom can turn into outsourcing my own judgment.

At some point, I still have to decide.

And if I don't trust myself to do that, no amount of advice ever feels like enough.

I don't think most women wake up one day and suddenly stop trusting themselves.

It happens slowly.

You make a choice that doesn't work out and start questioning your judgment.

You ignore a gut feeling and wish you hadn't.

You follow someone else's advice because they seemed more certain than you were, then realize later it wasn't right for you.

You spend years making decisions around what everyone else needs, wants or expects, and eventually your own preference becomes one of the last things you consider.

Or maybe life simply knocked you around for a while.

Enough things didn't go the way you expected, and certainty started feeling harder to come by.

So you compensate.

More research.

More opinions.

More reassurance.

Surely if I collect enough information, one answer will eventually feel completely safe.

I'd love that.

Unfortunately, I have yet to find the decision-making method that guarantees I will never regret anything.

If you find it, please send it my way.

Until then, I think self-trust has to mean something other than I always know the right answer.

Because I absolutely do not.

For me, it's becoming:

I trust myself to pay attention.

I trust myself to ask questions.

I trust myself to seek wise counsel without handing someone else responsibility for my life.

I trust myself to notice when something feels off and investigate instead of immediately overriding it.

I trust myself to make the best decision I can with what I know today.

And if I get it wrong, I trust myself to deal with what comes next.

That last part may be the biggest one.

Because if self-trust requires me to always choose correctly, I'll never have it.

Nobody has enough information for that.

But I can trust my ability to respond.

To learn.

To change course.

To admit I was wrong.

To make another decision.

That takes some of the impossible pressure off the first one.

This can get tricky in faith conversations because “trust yourself” can sound like “you don't need God.”

That's not what I mean at all.

Actually, my faith makes it easier for me to loosen my grip on certainty.

I can pray.

I can seek wisdom.

I can pay attention to what I know about God's character and what aligns with my values.

And then there are still going to be decisions where no neon arrow appears from heaven.

I have to choose.

Trusting God doesn't always mean knowing exactly what He wants me to do.

Sometimes it means trusting that I am not powerful enough to ruin His entire plan with one imperfect decision.

That thought has given me a lot of freedom.

I can stop treating every choice like there is one hidden correct answer and God is waiting to see whether I find it.

I can move thoughtfully.

I can stay open.

I can course-correct.

And I can let wisdom from other people be wisdom instead of instructions.

So the next time you find yourself asking everyone what they think, ask them.

Seriously.

Good counsel is a gift.

But before you let their answers drown yours out, come back to yourself for a minute.

What do you know?

What matters to you here?

What feels aligned with the person you're trying to become?

What are you afraid will happen if you choose wrong?

Listen to the answers.

Then make the best decision you can.

Self-trust isn't knowing you'll always get it right.

It's knowing you won't abandon yourself when you don't.

Want to keep going with this conversation?
🎧 Listen to Episode 36: Rebuilding Self-Trust for Women Leaders Without Pressure →